Visiting Hour
by Tracy-Lou
Summary: Ste is desperate to make amends with Brendan.


Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to Hollyoaks!

Summary: Ste is desperate to make amends with Brendan.

Visiting Hour

Ste awoke that morning with a strange sense of purpose. Today was the day. The day he would finally visit Brendan. Since he had discovered the truth about Silas, Ste had written Brendan countless letters, attempting to explain why he had his doubts and how sorry he was for thinking the worst, even though Brendan had given him plenty of reason to suspect him. Even so, he was in the wrong and he wanted to make it right. More than that he had heard from Cheryl that Brendan was in a bad way, the worst she had ever seen him. Ste was worried.

He hated the thought of Brendan caged up, alone. It was strange; a part of him wondered why he wasn't relieved. The last few months between them had been very strained, to say the least. Surely Ste should be happy that Brendan was out of his life for good? But he wasn't. There was nothing driving him anymore. The kids were the only thing keeping him afloat. Amy was in her own little world, missing Lee and feeling resentful that she had missed her biggest chance in life to make something of herself. She blamed Ste, that much was obvious. She never explicitly said but Ste could see it in the way she looked at him, the sadness and bitterness in her gaze. It was suffocating. He needed to get out. He just desperately needed to see Brendan.

The difficulty was getting Brendan to see him in the first place. He had sent countless visiting orders, all rejected. He had even tried to get Cheryl's help; asking to put her name on the visiting form and then going himself. She had refused of course. She said she didn't want to trick Brendan or cause him any more distress. Ste had understood, begrudgingly. It didn't solve the problem however.

In the end he had sent a letter pleading with Brendan for just five minutes of his time, for his own sanity. Brendan had accepted the visiting order and here Ste was, finally.

It was a bit surreal walking into the prisoners visiting room and being on the other side. No one had really visited him much when he was inside; not that he cared particularly. He felt terrible that he hadn't been sooner, before the truth about Silas had emerged. If only he had given Brendan the benefit of the doubt and gone to hear his side of the story. It didn't matter now in any case. What mattered was that Ste was here now and he had plenty to say to Brendan.

Except when he finally saw him he froze.

All they could do was stare at each other. Brendan stopped short, his expression blank and unyielding. Ste rose from his seat, feeling more tense than he had in weeks. His body began to shake uncontrollably; he began to feel dizzy and unsteady on his feet. He almost passed out there and then until Brendan caught him around the waist, his face momentarily softened.

"Anyone would think ye weren't pleased to see me" Brendan murmured dryly, letting go of Ste as quickly as he had caught him.

They both sat down slowly, not taking their eyes off of each other.

"Thank you for letting me come" Ste said carefully.

Brendan grunted in response, crossing his arms defensively. "Ye were getting on my nerves"

"I'm sorry"

"Are ye?" Brendan asked, looking Ste in the eye.

Ste took a deep breath. "I really am. I admit it, I was wrong. But after everything that's happened, can you blame me?"

Brendan looked away, he seemed so haunted. "I don't blame ye" he said eventually.

"So why wouldn't you see me? Or answer my letters?"

Brendan looked at him and sighed. "It's too much, Stephen. Being in here... I just couldn't"

"But I could help" Ste insisted, leaning forwards over the table. "I could cheer you up"

Brendan laughed dryly. "Not even ye could..." he trailed off, frowning. "We never did make each other very happy" he said thoughtfully.

"That's not true!" Ste said quickly. "We had some good times"

"Rarely" Brendan intoned. "It's irrelevant now anyway. Ye have moved on, I have...well, I'm here"

"You'll get out soon"

"Maybe"

"And I'll be around-"

"No"

"No?"

"Ye need to stay away, Stephen. Ye hear me?"

Ste felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him. "What?" he managed to say.

"I've got plans...plans that do not involve ye"

"What are you talking about?"

Brendan glanced around himself before leaning towards Ste. It was strange, feeling him move so close; Ste almost expected him to kiss him but of course he wouldn't, not in here.

"Warren" Brendan whispered reverently.

"What about him?" Ste asked, confused.

"I need to get him" Brendan explained. "How's he been?"

"Well, fine" Ste said, flustered. "What's he done?"

Brendan smiled darkly, lifting his face fully so that Ste could see the extent of his injuries. Ste gasped, reaching forwards without thinking. Anyone else and Ste was sure Brendan would have batted their hand away. In fact, Ste was surprised he didn't. He allowed him to trace one of the bruises below his eye, his fingertips lightly brushing over the skin there. He swallowed, memories of similar bruises on his own face clouding his vision and making his body shake once more. He pulled his hand away swiftly.

"Stephen" Brendan said, a little desperately. Reaching out to grab his hand back. "I won't hurt ye"

"Well you can't" Ste said, matter-of-fact.

"I won't" Brendan said again firmly. He grasped Ste's hand tighter.

"Bren" Ste warned, glancing around them. "I don't think you should-"

"They know anyway, they can't do any worse to me" Brendan said, his face set.

Ste sighed, curling his fingers with Brendan's. Brendan looked uncomfortable but he hid it well.

"What can I do?" Ste asked helplessly.

Brendan's mouth twitched. "Keep yer head down, stay away from Foxy"

"I don't understand-"

"Stephen, _please_" Brendan's carefuly poised exterior was shattered. Ste could see him as he was, messed up, confused and utterly broken. Ste gave his fingers a gentle squeeze.

"I promise, alright? I'll stay clear"

Brendan nodded, his eyes wild and darting everywhere. "Good, good lad"

Ste didn't know how they had ended up this way. Brendan inside wrongly accused, Ste actually sympathising with him, even though months before he had threatened to put him inside himself. Ste wondered if he really would have gone through with it, even if Brendan hadn't talked him out of it. Could he have really put him here? Thrown him to the wolves?

It wasn't as though being in here was doing him much good. He wouldn't get counselling, he was being beaten almost daily which inevitably led him to want revenge, meaning more trouble. Ste wished that he could talk him out of it. He was almost tempted to tell Cheryl. If anyone could get through to him, Cheryl could. But Brendan wouldn't thank him for it, and he hated to worry her. Once again Ste found himself wanting to take responsibility for Brendan's burden. If he wasn't allowed to be involved, he would at least be there for him, even as friends.

Ste slipped his hand out of Brendan's reluctantly, giving him a tight smile. "It's nearly time to go" he explained. "Can I come again?"

"Ye might not need to"

"Okay...when you get out? Can I see you?"

"Wherever ye are, I'll inevitably be"

Ste stared at him in wonderment. He didn't quite know what to say to that.

The alarm sounded for the end of the visiting hour. Ste stood up quickly, Brendan doing the same. They stared at each other for a moment, neither wanting to reach out first. It was Ste who barrelled himself at Brendan, holding him tight around the waist. Brendan stroked his back, resting his chin on top of Ste's head. To an observer it might look as though they were simply good friends, relatives perhaps. Between the two of them however, the spark still existed and even in the briefest of touches, caused endless doubts and possibilities.

Ste pulled away, smiling at Brendan even though his eyes were moistening with tears. It was too much sometimes; hating him one minute and loving him the next. In reality it was constantly loving him and hating himself for doing so.

"Take care, Stephen" Brendan croaked, attempting to hold himself together.

Ste nodded, darting away while he still could, unable to stop himself from glancing back as he walked towards the exit, and seeing Brendan staring right back at him, as always.


End file.
